Surrendering Baby

You cannot turn back that which has occurred, revisit your life to alter events to represent a scenario that you would prefer to one that expressed reality. We have one opportunity to live out our years and events are not always optimal. We stand in the present to look at the past and express deep and abiding regret for what we cannot change.

Reality is that people cannot judge in retrospect the events they were caught up in due to societal values and conventions that may have been unjust to effect some ameliorative curative for the present.

On the other hand, if harshly condemning social and cultural practises of the time with the claim that they ruined personal lives, demanding apologies and graciously accepting monetary compensation for the purpose of righting a historical wrong because apologies will never compensate and bring release, but money gained through a lawsuit will be accepted as a validation of pain and suffering, the way is set for a series of belated and nonsensical events.

Women, and now men as well, who in their early years suffered the pain of societal condemnation over youthful pregnancies and were intimidated by the scorn of that society in conceiving out of wedlock, are now stepping forward with claims of unjust oppression depriving them of their children. They claim to have been coerced by social agencies, medical workers and churches.

Nothing happens in a familial vacuum in these cases. Nowhere does there appear in the news reports relating to this new social grievance, the role of the parents when these people who are now joining a class-action suit, were young and vulnerable. The simple fact is, there was an attitude of shame prevalent in society at the very thought that young boys and girls in their teens would be sexually active and girls would become pregnant.

At that time it was a social shock, one that would serve to effectively excommunicate someone socially. Not only the young girl and her boyfriend, but the parents as well. Bringing shame to the family, which would respond by attempting to hide the fact of the pregnancy. There were parents who were abusive and disowned their daughters, leaving them to fend for themselves.

Abortions at an earlier time were not as readily available, and young women and girls were exhorted to complete their pregnancy, but with shame and in privacy, to be removed to special 'homes' where they would be cared for until birth, when the baby would be delivered and taken into the custody of the agency caring for the unmarried, pregnant young women.

It was the customary thing to do. It may have well been, as many claim, a travesty of justice, but it was the cultural, societal norm of the time. The prevailing philosophy was that a child born out of wedlock, particularly to a young dependent teenager, was an affront to all that was held to be decent and normal. The child would have a far better life adopted by a married couple. That was an accepted reality.

People in society at present have become accustomed to understanding now that it is no longer shocking that unmarried women have children, there is a large demographic of single-parent families, and no shame attaches to that fact. It may not represent the best-case scenario for children to be brought up in single-parent homes, and it is certainly difficult for the sole parent to shoulder full responsibility customarily shared by two, but it does work.

Currently, we have a society that has immersed itself in a blame-game. And concurrent with those who blame, are those who apologize and regret the part they played in an unfolding social scheme seen as normal for its time. It is true that the young women and girls were not fully informed of their rights, that many of those in whose care they were given - by their families - felt them to be immature and not needful of being informed of possible options.

On the other hand, memory is a strange thing; it is not immutable. Memory can change to include actions we would prefer to have occurred, or emotions we feel we should have felt. Casting one's mind back 50, 40, 30 years to how something played out and the manner in which we related to an event can prove to be elastic; not everything is recalled with a degree of accuracy. Young girls undergoing pregnancy want it to be over and done with.

They feel the emotions related to being caught in a situation that gives them no credit, and they are confused and resentful and just want it all to go away. And it eventually does. Leaving lingering doubts. Calling for a royal commission of enquiry is rather typical of Canadians reacting to something that occurred which now makes them uncomfortable.

Our newer culture of blame, grievance, victimhood, regret and alternately, shame, apologies and mea culpas represents where we are now as a nation. Also where we are is represented by a growing phenomenon of litigation procedures, of law firms going after large explosive group cases of purported wrong-doings by agencies, governments and elements within society which have over the course of time allgedly victimized someone.

The original intent was not, of course, victimization, but rather 'normalization' in altering someone's misfortune to represent a discreet misadventure, giving them the opportunity to join the rest of society implacably in pursuit of normal lives. The entire circumstances represented a universal social compact to protect the integrity of the family unit.