The New Reality Show: Canada

To be noticed, regarded, respected, we are enjoined to !!flash!!. Canada appears hardly to exist on the visual horizon of our great neighbour to the south. Of course there may be perfectly reasonable explanations why this is so. We do not, ordinarily, cause notice. Our population does not seek to escape the confines of our border into the United States to leave behind poverty, violence, lack of opportunity. Canadians do not comprise an underground, illegal migration of millions of asylum-seekers, as do Mexicans.

Although Americans do receive quality B.C. bud, it has not been accompanied by the zinging dangers that murderous, adversarial syndicates, killing at random has occasioned through its illegal drug trade with Mexico. Illegal that is, as far as U.S. lawmakers are concerned; tantalizingly needful as far as a whopping percentage of Americans are concerned. Canadians, as far as Americans are concerned, are very like them. That they err in so thinking is of no moment.

Why, we are so like them, with like values and priorities and appreciations that many of their entertainers, from actors, to singers, to comedians to news anchors who are so hugely successful as "Americans", are actually Canadians. So much for American culture. In the years since Mary Pickford was America's darling, leading up to Celine Dion's amazingly-questionable popularity, Americans have absorbed themselves with what they claim to be reality. As in reality shows.

The gangsta rappers, the entertainers and celebrities who flout convention and civility are what absorb popular interest. The trend is to demonstrate utter disdain for what was once thought of as social norms, to celebrate the vacuous, unintelligent, solipsistic, ego-driven, self-referential and -reverential as the new norm. And it results from Americans' obsessively-zealous status-levelling first evinced through normalization of first-name simplicity, reducing society to a low common social denominator.

Proving nothing other than that low commonality could very well descend further, much further. Which gave rise to social-networking Internet sites where everyone could be noticed and legitimately think of themselves as celebrity-material, inviting everyone to join their site, acquiring 'friends' without stint or integral meaning. Those in the legal profession are urged to set up their Facebook accounts for accessibility. Doctors now receive plaintive appeals from patients to be their 'friend'.

And, well-meaning Washington-watchers recommend to foreign diplomats (those representing Canada, in any event) that it is no longer sufficient to be stiffly present in the upper echelons of executive power. Washington is a busy place, the centre of the centre of the world. There are too many distractions for lawmakers and the senior executive to take especial attention of any single country's diplomatic presence. Without good reason or rhyme to reason.

Without the ability to entertain, to sparkle, to elicit a fascinated interest in the showiness of one's special attributes, be it personability or one's country's particular cadre of talented and expressive cultural exports, one will not be noticed. Canada hides her light behind a careful veil of circumspection. She must seek to scintillate, titillate, and entertain! The ongoing efforts to be noticed soberly in trade and productivity will continue to be in vain as long as there is little notice of one's celebrity-presence.

It's unfortunate that Canada is seen as smugly banal, too comfortable by half with ourselves and our lot in life, even if that is just what we are, collectively. (Amend that; each and every one of us is dull, dull, dull, despite which we're eager to shine our light where it is appreciated, the U.S.A.) If we are to make any inroads in Washington, to be noticed even half as much as any other country in the world, all of which present as exotic and interesting in some way, (Canada excepted), we must change our collective persona.

Our ambassador must gird his intent, place the rictus of bonhommie on his face and present as a bon vivant, but one with a strident and boisterous sense of (bawdy is good) humour and appreciation for the ridiculous. And do it exuberantly, joyfully, with the intention of garnering to him the attention that has so long eluded our previous representatives with their staid and stolid demeanours worthy of 19th Century European ambassadors.

He must seek out invitations to appear on late-night talk shows, allow himself to be prodded and picked at, to the verge of personal humiliation; or not, if his personal sense of self is sufficiently intact, and his sense of humour can carry him over. Personal humiliation is never too steep a price to pay for one's country, however, and no one should be immune to having their ego pricked. What seems intrusive to the thoughtful, is merely grist for the free-of-thought.

He should be interviewed ad infinitum on any and every newspaper and broadsheet in the country, paying particular attention however, to the Washington Post, New York Times and Wall Street Journal. He must never, ever, be oblivious to the need to have his photograph taken at soirees, and dress appropriately elegantly, but with a touch of fashion independence; chartreuse running shoes with a tux might do it.

He must be prepared to shout to the heavens how misunderstood, mysterious, and fascinatingly marvellous Canadians really are, then go out and prove it with his personal dynamism, his charismatic appeal. Canadian innovation, industry and culture, he must boom out, is like none other, and deserves to be recognized, and then demonstrate just how and why. He could set up a mini-House of Commons on the greensward across from the White House.

People it with lawmakers resembling the real McCoy, and offer a demonstration of Parliamentary procedures; Question Period at its very theatrical, bumptious best. If that doesn't wow them, nothing will.