Assuming Responsibility - a Communal Task?

Toronto the bad, the very bad. It was not always like this. But as a population grows, becomes more diverse, picks up traditions prevalent in countries where some of its immigrants come from which can be problematical in any society, situations arise which transform the original cultural mores detrimentally, or enhance them. In the case of immigrants from Caribbean countries the baggage that’s brought along to the new country sometimes causes a type of disruption far in excess of the weight of the people who have introduced these socially-inimical constructs.

There exists a certain lack of maturity in a country where men are, and remain unwilling, to assume responsibility for the actions they take. There appears to be an absence in the Caribbean tradition of men folk willing to take on the social persona of what in European terms is thought of as the paterfamilias, the gender balance to the mothering role, so urgently required when raising children, particularly male children when they reach their teen years.

Women appear to have accepted that situation, foisted on them by the culture they’ve been most familiar with. And, unfortunately, it’s a popular culture that is seen mostly among Blacks. For that matter, among Blacks who live also in North America; in the United States and in Canada.

Women raise their children as best they can, unassisted by the men who fathered their children. Who, presumably, find those ties too binding, too presumptuous of society, too stifling of their manly initiatives to do anything else rather than assist in teaching children how to behave responsibly, how to become an integral part of their society.

Little wonder they cannot, when they’ve long been familiar with a tradition that appears to accept absent fathers in truncated familial situations.

The young boys assume the culture of their absent fathers and will not themselves take responsibility, or wish to enter society as normally functioning, accepting and accepted members. They are enthralled with the concept of gangs, of inner-city gang wars, dealing in drugs, jealous of their territories, engaging in illegal activities and viewing policing agents as merely another enemy in their socially-alienated world of shadows.

And the latest fall-out from gang violence has seen the death of a young boy, only 11 years old. There’s a predictable pattern for all of this, from women raising their children unassisted by partners, but with the full assistance of the state. They live in subsidized housing, embrace a culture brought over with them from a different, more culturally care-free society accepting of men’s unwillingness to grow their personas beyond rootless breeding machines, macho men arrested in egotistical adolescence, unwilling to let anyone pin them down.

The women are complicit in this dysfunction. They’ve accepted breeding partners incapable of satisfying the basic function of full partners in raising their young, in working to provide a living wage in support of their families. The women themselves provide the companionship and emotional and practical support they require among themselves, absent the men. They have children and they and their children become dependent on tax dollars to support their lifestyles.

And the women themselves throw up their hands, seemingly unwilling to extract discipline from their male children who are permitted to run amok, and emulate their absent fathers.

If this is racist, so be it, but I don't think so. There comes a time and a place when individuals and groups must self-discipline, must realize how their own behaviours harm themselves and their offspring. Permissiveness sounds kindly, but without the disciplined structure of a familial situation where children are exposed to responsible commitment and manners of behaviour in a normally functioning family, readying themselves through the education system and community support groups if required, to become a functioning part of society, the result is failure.

Not failure to conform, necessarily, but failure to find their rightfully responsible place in the society they inhabit. This represents a societally harmful acculturation, men preying on women, and women allowing them to. Denying the emotional patterning needs of the young, abandoning maturity and responsibility.

Everyone loves their children, this is what mothers do, and fathers also. But with love comes responsibility and those parents who are unprepared to demonstrate through their own values and choices and judgements that they view their roles as parents seriously, have simply brought into the world further charges on society. Children in the city-owned Toronto Community Housing Corp., community at Sheppard Avenue and Jane Street in Toronto, called Yatecastle, a decent neighbourhood with nice housing, enjoy full community relations among people with whom they feel comfortable and relaxed.

Extended families live there, the children among them having the great good fortune to live among aunts and cousins and likely few ‘uncles’. A community birthday party set up to celebrate the birthdays of three of its residents, with many people volunteering to contribute their help, and everyone is excited and happy to be there, to enjoy good company, music, food and the joy of being alive in the summer.

This 11-year-old boy with his new MP3 player, with friends and relatives, enjoying the party in the wee hours of the morning, shot to death. An accident, caught in the cross-fire of older boys playing rival gang deadly enmities. It is from among these social-housing communities, with single mothers raising father-absent children, incapable of instilling discipline and responsibility in the mindsets of their boys, where drug use is rampant and gun ownership too common, that Toronto’s many killings erupt.

When these tragedies occur, members of the community often know who is involved. But they hesitate to come forward and inform the police. Whether through fear for their own safety or an unwillingness to give up one of their own. In this manner too, they contribute to the lack of social responsibility inherent in this particular social culture. The violence that occurs in these communities is grossly disproportionate to the density of this particular demographic. This cannot have escaped the realization of the people involved and living in the community.

At the funeral of the little boy mothers of children complain of the violence being visited upon their community, and they seek to shift blame from the community itself to the authorities. “I don’t want to come back here and bury another child”, said one of the mourners. “Too many people have suffered. Too many lives have been lost. Something has got to be done”, said the Pastor officiating at the funeral, addressing the congregation.

But it is to outer sources that they all look for a solution to the problem they have brought into existence. The police, whom the community distrusts, must do something to alleviate the problem. The government which supports their lifestyle must enact legislation to ensure their children do not get their hands on guns. What of their responsibility to teach their children at a vulnerable and receptive age?

Police have said the party grew to an “unmanageable” size, and their numbers included some individuals who had not been invited. In fact, one of the young women whose birthday was being celebrated herself invited a young man known to belong to one of these socially-maladjusted hostile gangs, and he took it upon himself, as is likely their practise, to invite a few of his friends.

Her action led indirectly to the death of her young cousin. Lack of oversight on the part of the parents present led directly to the tragedy.

A young mother in the community dropped by the party to pick up her 5-year-old son; who leaves such a young child unattended at a party like this? Police were called due to a noise complaint at 4:00 p.m., returned again at 9:30, when the 5-year-old was picked up by his mother. By that time older teens and adults had arrived and the guests were imbibing alcohol, and by the admission of one of the guests, the atmosphere had changed.

“All they were doing was standing there looking at each other. Everybody had their hoodies on”, said this guest.

Following the murder of this child, three young men were arrested, ages 20, (charged with first-degree murder), 21 and 22. One of these malefactors had been arrested in a previous case a few years earlier on suspicion of having shot a four-year-old, but released for lack of evidence.

This ongoing situation of violence and death represents a community in denial of responsibility.