The Dark, Perverse World of Kim in Diabolical Purple Prose

"They told him that assassination by use of biochemical substances including radioactive substance and nano poisonous substance is the best method."
"Then they handed him over US$20,000 on two occasions and a satellite transmitter-receiver and let him get [started]."
"[A] Korean-style anti-terrorist attack will be commenced from this moment to sweep away the intelligence and plot-breeding organizations of the U.S. imperialists and the puppet cliques [of South Korea]."
KCNA, Peoples' Republic of North Korea state broadcaster

"We will ferret out and mercilessly destroy to the last one the terrorists of the U.S. CIA."
North Korea security minister

Lisa Benson / Victorville Daily Press

A Russian 'lumberjack' who just happens to be named Kim, no less. A U.S.-contracted assassin to rid the world of that adorable North Korean Dear Leader whom North Koreans revere for his avuncular wisdom and superb steering of his countrymen to peace and long life with a surfeit of consumer goods and satisfaction with life. How could anyone, much less a responsible government conspire to have such a paragon of virtue summarily put out of order, silenced and insensible in death?

Kim Jong-Un targeted senselessly by way of a "bio-chemical" attack? Of course, should the Central Intelligence Agency of the wicked United States of America succeed in penetrating the protective ring tasked to preserve the security of this estimable and proud leader of doughty men of a one-million-strong military, the tables will turn, earning the U.S. and South Korea payback as North Korea will plan to "mercilessly destroy" them.

Presumably, it will not be too late, to preserve the life of the North Korean Sun King by the terrorist tasked with his radioactive death. How do we know of this sad, demeaning attempt on the life of this peerless leader? Why it has been conveyed to the world by the Yonhap News source. And who could fail to be disturbed by this turn of events targeting the supreme leader of North Korea, particularly during the festivities of its Day of the Sun parade.

When the assassin approached the man whose surname he had the glory of sharing to do unto him as some other mysterious force persuaded a pair of gullible women to do to half-brother Kim Jong-nam through the medium of a deadly chemical nerve agent. However, there is a marked deviance from that event to this one; where brother Kim's death was nastily painful and swift, the chemical used to threaten the life of Kim Jong-Un, beloved of the heavens, "takes six to 12 months for its lethal effects to appear". We have it on the authority of Yonhap News.

It seems that the Trump administration may have solved several dilemmas. One being that its overtures to China have failed to bear the fruit envisaged, so more direct action was required. Second, its relations with Moscow required upgrading, so who better to approach and contract out such an urgent mission through, than the experts in the use of biological and deadly radioactive substances?
Ah, the plot thickens that sickens the world's foremost lovable exponent of paranoia!

Gary Markstein / Cagle Cartoons