The Language Wars

"My wife is French, my business partner is French, my children go to French school, but I just get so sad and depressed and wonder, what's wrong with these people?
"I love Quebec, but it's not getting any easier."
David McMillan, owner Joe Beef

Quebec is at war. The province is serious about this. The French language is at risk of being overwhelmed by English spoken by the majority of the Canadian population. And the Province of Quebec will not have it. They certainly will not have English edging out French in Quebec. Which necessitates strict, determined action to prohibit the use of English whenever possible, wherever it erupts to disturb the presence and security of the language of romance.


Particularly irritating to the sensibilities of Quebecois and their Pequiste government is the sneaky attempts of identifiable language groups to pass certain of their gastronomic nomenclature off as legitimately expressive of the food combinations they prepare, post on their menus and serve to unsuspecting and innocent residents of the province.

This unreasonable use of words like 'pizza', 'steak', and 'pasta', let alone 'rigatone', and 'bottiglia', even accompanied with their French equivalents is provocative and immoral. This undermining of the language is intolerable. As though the Quebec language police haven't enough on their language plate without Italian, Japanese, Mexican, Lebanese and who-knows-what-other foreign languages to further confuse the issue.

A celebrity-popular restaurant, Buonanotte, has been informed by the Office quebecois de la langue francaise that Italian words must be replaced with French ones. (Howkum the official nomenclature of the Quebec language police is not 'bureau', instead of 'office'?) Quebec City's Caffe Conti and Portofino were reprimanded for their focus on Italian authenticity.

Ditch the second 'f'' in Caffe. The wine glasses etched with Caffe Conti will have to be destroyed and replacements produced. As for Portofino, 'pizza, pasta et musica', is a no-go. Montreal brasserie Holder in an inspected visit was informed it should tape over the offending 'on/off' instructions on the microwave switch. Bifteck is to replace the word 'steak', and the "W.C." to the washrooms has to go, as quickly as possible.

An Irish pub is not permitted antique Guinness posters; a vintage neon Tavern sign would have to be altered with an 'e' appended to the name as in Taverne. 

Quebecers themselves are becoming a little peeved at the nonsense being enacted in their name. "If I wanted to ridicule Quebec linguistic laws and regulations that is exactly how I would proceed, by demanding that people say bifteck instead of steak, that they say pates alimentaires instead of pasta, soupe aux legumes instead of minestrone", wrote Pierre Foglia in La Presse.

Quebec has become an international laughingstock.

The absurd picky little shenanigans that the language police get up to in frustrating and alienating business people in the province have led to their being labelled more than slightly absurd. "Give an inspector a regulation, deprive him of his judgement and he will annoy an entire city, as well as shaming you internationally. All that, of course, without accomplishing anything useful for the protection of French." (Yves Boisvert, La Presse)

But what excellent fodder for editorialists in the rest of Canada, and as for the editorial cartoonists, they are having a field day....