A Tree, A Thing Of Beauty

I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree.
A tree whose hungry mouth is prest
Against the earth's sweet flowing breast;
A tree that looks at God all day,
And lifts her leafy arms to pray;
A tree that may in Summer wear
A nest of robins in her hair;
Upon whose bosom snow has lain;
Who intimately lives with rain.
Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree. Poem by Joyce Kilmer (1886-1918)

Oh dear, so she said, that celebrated poet of yore. So too says boastful Nature, but some feel, think and see differently; their aesthetic sense is other than that of nature lovers. And if we're looking for fools, look no further than those whose acclaim for a ten-storey branchless metal tree sculpture created by internationally renowned New York artist Roxy Paine has cost Canadian taxpayers $1-million dollars. That piece of fabulous 'art' is named One Hundred Foot Line.

It resembles, say awe-struck admirers, a tree, an exclamation mark, representing an exquisite work of art, rivalling those of nature. It is described as a fabrication of a tapered metal tree. It will be installed in Ottawa, through a serendipitous collaboration between the National Gallery of Canada and the National Capital Commission, at Nepean Point, where currently stands a more traditional work of art, a bronze statue of Samuel de Champlain.

This new piece of drek - um, sorry - art - a massive steel structure that looks well, like a massive steel structure is our latest hallowed acquisition to prove that Canadians know art when they see it. Actually the structure is somewhat structureless. Actually like a piece of steel. A very tall piece of steel. In no conceivable way resembling a work of art. At least not art as thought of by ordinary art-loving connoisseurs.

But it is to be installed by Labour Day. One must consider the labour, the time, the expense of installing this misbegotten artwork in a massive concrete and metal slab. Roughly $200,000 to get the job done right. This fabulous sculpture will stand75 meters from that of Champlain, which has stood on its solitary point for 95 years.

Poor Samuel, he will be upstaged, after all this time. It is inevitable, for tastes change and those who swoon over this latest piece of artwork are extravagant in their praise: "It will bring excitement to the area", "It's quite magical", "They complement each other." Ah the excitement, the wealth of commemorative and artistic sculptures that enrich the landscape of this city.

Its base will be 1.6 meters wide, and the thing itself will thrust toward the blameless sky at a height of 30.5 meters. One hundred feet of steel. Whose presence might accomplish something practical were it to be used in the construction, say, of a building, comfortably hidden as a part of the infrastructure around which cladding would be placed, to hide its hideous presence. But installed there, it would at least be useful.

We would not be forced to see the bloody thing. And seeing it, wince at the very indecency of shelling out !One Million Dollars! for the grotesquerie masquerading as art. With luck, it will keel over under high winds some day, when no one is around to witness nature's opinion of its presence. If a 100-ft tall desecration of a facsimile of a tree falls at Nepean Point, an area where few venture, will anyone know, or hear, or care?

Or perhaps a lightning strike, attracted to its noble, electricity-grabbing presence will take it into another, more interesting shape than that which it was designed to irritate us with, enhancing its dubious appearance. "Each tree is a new story, a compelling entity told with that language", claims the artist himself, in an excruciatingly pretentious description of his brilliant conception.

This is one of a series that the artist has brilliantly conceived and is overlooking the manufacture and placement of, called the "Dendroid" series. Dendroid: tree-shaped (from the Greek dendron, meaning ‘tree’). Obviously meant for an audience of Androids, Androids: (an automaton that is created from biological materials and resembles a human.) Also called humanoid.

Which only goes to prove when first you practise to deceive, just go ahead and do it, because if you're brazen enough and loud enough and enthusiastic enough you can convince people of whatever truth you're handing out at any given time, including what in particular constitutes art. This artist is clearly a talented visionary. One of a few world-class sculptors the art world goes ga-ga over.

And we, that great amorphous, Philistine mass who are deliciously happy to pay for their divine creations. Through our tax dollars for their elaborately-conceived and felicitously placed fictive fixations.