Canada Today

• A man who became paraplegic after contracting herpes from unprotected sex lost a $100,000 disability award when the Supreme Court of Canada sided with his insurance company in a ruling that concluded that his misfortune, while tragic and unexpected, did not represent, in fact, an 'accident' in the generally understood way. The court unanimously ruled that allowing Randolph Gibbens to cash in "would stretch the boundaries of an accident policy beyond the snapping point" by turning it into a health insurance scheme with lower premiums, for disease suffers.

Poor man, he contracted a rare form of genital herpes after having unprotected sex with three women. The virus attacked his spine and paralyzed him from his abdomen down. Now that's hitting a man pretty low down on his centre of gravity, his horizon: "In the case of Mr. Gibbens we are dealing with a disease transmitted in the ordinary course of having sex." So fellas, be aware, and by all means, beware.

• For more than a year, Canada's military police have been investigating allegations suggesting Canadian troops abused Afghan detainees, according to media reports. (Remember Shidane Arone in Somalia?) The detainees were captured in 2008 and the probes began at least one year ago, CBC reported Friday night. According to documents obtained by the network, allegedly written for Defence Minister Peter MacKay last spring, military police launched six investigations in 2008 to find out whether Canadian troops were involved. Military police determined there was no basis to five of the six cases, while the remaining case is still being investigated, a Canadian Forces spokesman told CBC News.

Presumably, the lone military malefactor took his cue from the snarling reference by Canada's former chief of the defence staff, Rick Hillier, of the Taliban as "detestable murderers and scumbags", a characterization that retired General Hillier is not prepared to retract. And while it's entirely possible that one 'rogue' soldier vented his fury on a Taliban, conceivably after another ramp ceremony, what followed is adequate proof that the military and the government take their Geneva convention obligations seriously. While the opposition, hot on blood-scent is grateful for new ammunition to launch against the Conservative-led government.

• Fifteen members of the notorious criminal United Nations (!wot?!)drug-smuggling gang claimed in court that tax officials were working illegally with police by passing on their confidential information and trying to humiliate them by showing up late at night or meeting them in public places "to achieve maximum embarrassment". While in the U.S. a multi-year, multi-agency investigation revealed that the UN gang was moving $26-million yearly of cocaine and marijuana across the Canada-U.S. border. The Federal Court of Canada has sided with UN members over the Canada Revenue Agency, claiming a government employee had no authority to issue letters demanding information about the gangsters' source of income.

Tuck that tongue back in your mouth. And work up a little compassion for those poor guys being "publicly humiliated". Isn't that conducive to feeling warm and cozy all over that even thugs responsible for destroying lives through their dedication to providing drugs to those who get hooked through their kindly auspices, are guaranteed 'justice' in Canada through our highest court, concerned with their rights and privileges as citizens?

• The mayor of the British Columbia community of Squamish defended volunteer firefighters' on-the-job boozing, saying it's part of their "debriefing" process. Former Squamish Fire Rescue Chief Ray Saurette said he was fired earlier this week because district councillors did not agree with his no-alcohol policy. Squamish Mayor Greg Gardner defended the decision to allow the district firehall to serve alcohol after 4:30 p.m. from Monday to Friday and on weekends. "Being a firefighter can be quite traumatic", he said.

And so, assuredly, is being the victim of a home fire. Hoping to be rescued by a sober, clear-headed, and capable firefighter. Unless those volunteers are setting the fires themselves because they've been infected by that odd disease afflicting pyromaniacs who love to follow the outcome of the fires they set, and sometimes put them out too - isn't it a reality that fires occur Monday to Friday, after 4:30 p.m. and on weekends, too?

• The extradition hearing for accused synagogue bomber Hassan Diab has been delayed for at least several months after Crown prosecutors successfully argued Friday that France needed more time to review the case. The adjournment was allowed, giving French authorities opportunity to review evidence Mr. Diab's lawyers intend to bring forward to challenge handwriting analysis and intelligence the French claim links him to the 1980 bombing in Paris that killed four and injured 40. Mr. Diab and his lawyers are not pleased with this turn of events, claiming undue hardship on Mr. Diab will result from the delay, despite that when it suited their agenda, they had previously called for a number of such delays.

Canada has a treaty with France, just as it has with other democratic nations in the international community, to extradite and hand over to lawful authorities those individuals deemed guilty, or alleged to be guilty, of serious crimes, where they are to stand trial in those countries where their crimes were committed. Justice is not necessarily well served with permitted stalling tactics, dancing around the conviction by French intelligence experts that they have more than adequate evidence on which to try an individual for the charges laid.

And finally, puff-puff:

• The brother of Quebec's Catholic archbishop has taken the highly unusual step of buying an advertisement in a newspaper to explain why he pleaded guilty to sexual assault charges against two female minors, aged 13 and 15. Paul Ouellet, brother of Cardinal Marc Ouellet, wrote in the ad, published in the weekly La Frontiere, that he pleaded guilty so he could move on. He said he is only guilty of having succumbed to the victims' "advances".

Good thing that's cleared up. Who could blame some poor guy for succumbing to the sexual invitations of two over-sexed Lolitas, after all? A guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do to satisfy calls on his services, and 13- and 15-year-olds can be pretty persuasive. Seems Cardinal Ouellet's saintly faith-and-respect-for-the safety-and-security-of-minors-from-the-wantonly-nasty-predations-of-child-molesters wasn't shared by his brother. A kindly man, it would appear, who was molested himself once too often by importunate children.